How to prove that all odd numbers are prime

"It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger than the previous record."    — John Blasik

This was compiled from different postings to rec.humor.
Hmmm, by the way, did you know that 1 is not prime ?

Odd primes

Mathematician:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and by induction we have that all the odd integers are prime.

Physicist:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an experimental error...

Engineer:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime...

Chemist:

3 is prime, 5 is prime... hey, let's publish!

Modern physicist using renormalization:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... 9/3 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is ... 15/3 is prime, 17 is prime, 19 is prime, 21 is ... 21/3 is prime...

Quantum Physicist:

All numbers are equally prime and non-prime until observed.

Professor:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.

Left: The Ishango bones, maybe the first compilation of prime numbers ever.

Confused Undergraduate:

Let p be any prime number larger than 2. Then p is not divisible by 2, so p is odd. QED

Measure nontheorist:

There are exactly as many odd numbers as primes (Euclid, Cantor), and exactly one even prime (namely 2), so there must be exactly one odd nonprime (namely 1).

Cosmologist:

3 is prime, yes it is true....

Computer Scientist:

10 is prime, 11 is prime, 101 is prime...

Programmer:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be fixed in the next release, ...

C programmer:

03 is prime, 05 is prime, 07 is prime, 09 is really 011 which everyone knows is prime, ...

BASIC programmer:

What's a prime?

COBOL programmer:

What's an odd number?

Windows programmer:

3 is prime. Wait...

Mac programmer:

Now why would anyone want to know about that? That's not user friendly. You don't worry about it, we'll take care of it for you.

Bill Gates:

1. No one will ever need any more than 3.

ZX-81 Computer Programmer:

3 is prime, Out of Memory.

Pentium owner:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 8.9999978 is prime...

GNU programmer:

% prime

usage: prime [-nV] [--quiet] [--silent] [--version] [-e script] --catenate --concatenate | c --create | d --diff --compare | r --append | t --list | u --update | x -extract --get [ --atime-preserve ] [ -b, --block-size N ] [ -B, --read-full-blocks ] [ -C, --directory DIR ] [--checkpoint ] [ -f, --file [HOSTNAME:]F ] [ --force-local ] [ -F, --info-script F --new-volume-script F ] [-G, --incremental ] [ -g, --listed-incremental F ] [ -h, --dereference ] [ -i, --ignore-zeros ] [ --ignore-failed-read ] [ -k, --keep-old-files ] [ -K, --starting-file F ] [ -l, --one-file-system ] [ -L, --tape-length N ] [ -m, --modification-time ] [ -M, --multi-volume ] [ -N, --after-date DATE, --newer DATE ] [ -o, --old-archive, --portability ] [ -O, --to-stdout ] [ -p, --same-permissions, --preserve-permissions ] [ -P, --absolute-paths ] [ --preserve ] [ -R, --record-number ] [ [-f script-file] [--expression=script] [--file=script-file] [file...]
prime: you must specify exactly one of the r, c, t, x, or d options
For more information, type "prime --help''

Unix programmer:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, ...

Segmentation fault, Core dumped.

Computer programmer:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is ...

Oops, let's try that again:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... 3 is ...
Um, right. Okay, how about this:
3 is not prime, 5 is not prime, 7 is not prime, 9 is not prime...
So much for the beta releases. Ship this:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is a feature, 11 is prime...
and put on the cover "More prime numbers than anyone else in the industry !"

Coming soon:

3 is a prime, 4 is a feature, 5 is a prime, 6 is a feature, 7 is a prime, 8 is not yet implemented, 9 is our backwards compatibility module, ...

Computational linguist:

3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime, ...

Software tech support operator:

Well, we haven't had any reports of composite odd numbers... do you have the latest version of ZFC?

Minesweeper addict

1 is green, 2 is blue, 3 is orange, 4 is red...

Logician:

Hypothesis: All odd numbers are prime

Proof:

1. If a proof exists, then the hypothesis must be true
2. The proof exists; you're reading it now.

From 1 and 2 follows that all odd numbers are prime

Linguist:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 aaah. I can make 9 a prime.

Philosopher:

Why don't we just call all the odd numbers prime and call all the prime numbers odd, that way all the odd numbers would be prime

Philosopher (2):

3 is prime. Hum, that's an interesting statement, I'll get one of my research students to look into that.

Economist:

Assume 9 is prime...

Economist (2):

2 is a prime, 4 is a prime.

Economist (3):

2 is even, 4 is even, 6 is even...

Economist (4):

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime. Look, the prime rate is dropping.

Statistician:

100% of the sample 5, 13, 37, 41 and 53 is prime, so all odd numbers must be prime.

Mechanical Statistician:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an outlier, 11 is prime, 13 is prime...

English major:

What's a prime number ?

Politician:

What's a number ?

Politician (2):

It depends on what the meaning of is is.

Philosophy major:

What is ?

Athletic scholarship:

What !?

Mid-level manager:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is... Who can I delegate this to ?

Lawyer:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, although there appears to be prima facie evidence that 9 is not prime, there exists substantial precedent to indicate that nine should be considered prime. The following brief presents the case for nine's primeness ...

Salesman:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and with 9 you get five excellent primes for the price of three !

Anthropologist:

Prime or not, every number is unique. Take 9 for example...

Liberal:

The fact that nine is not prime indicates a deprived cultural environment which can only be remedied by a federally funded cultural enrichment program.

Bush:

What's nine got against being prime? I'll bet it won't allow the pledge of allegiance to be said in our schools either.

Nixon:

Put nine on the enemies list. I'm gonna get that number.

New Yorker:

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!

rec.humor poster:

3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime

"You know what seems odd to me ? Numbers that aren't divisible by two."    — Michael Wolf.

"I don't get even, I get odder."